How To Visit A Postpartum Mom
Welcoming a new baby brings indescribable joy and wonder, but it's also an incredibly intense period of physical recovery and emotional transition for new mothers. As a doula with years of experience supporting families, I've witnessed firsthand how the presence of visitors can profoundly impact those delicate early days - for better or worse.
Today, I'm excited to share insights on how you can become the kind of thoughtful, supportive visitor that every new mom truly needs and appreciates during this transformative time!
First Things First: The Ground Rules
Remember that overwhelming feeling when someone threw you a surprise party and you weren't mentally or physically prepared? Now imagine that sensation multiplied by a thousand - that's how a new mom feels with unexpected visitors! This is why it's absolutely essential to text or call ahead, every single time. Rather than viewing yourself as just another visitor, consider yourself an integral part of mom's postpartum support team. When coordinating your visit, be mindful to ask about baby's feeding and sleeping patterns to find the most convenient time. Here's a crucial piece of wisdom: keep your visit brief and purposeful - 30-60 minutes maximum is the sweet spot that allows you to help without overwhelming the new family.
Be a Helper, Not a Guest
Here's the most important principle to remember: when visiting a new mom, you're stepping into the role of a supporter, not someone who needs to be entertained! Think of yourself as a temporary household assistant rather than a traditional guest. Ready to be the kind of visitor that new moms rave about? Here are some concrete ways you can make a real difference:
Tackle that sink full of dishes, especially those endless bottles and pump parts that seem to multiply by the minute!
Take on the seemingly infinite piles of baby laundry that need folding and organizing
Handle some basic housekeeping tasks that have been put on the back burner, like put things away, swiping the floor etc
Give mom the precious gift of self-care time by offering to watch the baby while she enjoys a refreshing shower or catches up on much-needed rest
Bring over a nutritious, easy-to-eat meal and ensure mom stays hydrated with plenty of water or her preferred beverage
Listen more than you talk
Your most valuable contribution might simply be lending an attentive ear. Resist the urge to offer unsolicited advice - trust me when I say she's already receiving more suggestions than she can process! Focus instead on validating her unique journey and emotions, creating a safe space for her to express herself honestly. This isn't the time for sharing challenging birth experiences or difficult parenting scenarios - save those conversations for another day when she's further along in her recovery.
What to Avoid (aka The Do Not List)
To make things crystal clear, here's a comprehensive list of what to avoid during your visit:
If you're experiencing even the slightest sniffle or feeling off, please postpone your visit - newborns have delicate immune systems that need extra protection
Leave your favorite perfume or scented products at home - it's crucial for newborns to recognize and bond with their mother's natural scent
Always request permission before taking any photos - this is an intimate time that deserves respect and privacy
Be vigilant about picking up on subtle hints that it's time to wrap up your visit - when in doubt, err on the side of a shorter stay
The Bottom Line
Remember that every new mother's journey is unique, with different needs and preferences. The most helpful approach is to simply ask what would be most beneficial for her during this time. Your primary focus should always be supporting her physical and emotional recovery and protecting those precious early bonding moments between mother and baby.
Here's the golden rule to remember: truly exceptional visitors are those who leave a new mom feeling more energized, supported, and capable than when they first arrived. Your thoughtfulness during this special time can make an incredible difference in a new family's journey!
XOXO,
JAQUELINE, OWNER, DOULA & SLEEP CONSULTANT
